At Attic Salt, we see brands as a relationship—they’re something special. And like any relationship, they’re complicated. But the best ones have something in common: intimacy. Intimacy means feeling connected and supported by someone else. It doesn’t happen right away; it takes time, patience, and effort from both sides. Intimacy isn’t built in grand gestures but in these small, effortless moments of knowing and being known. The strongest brands, like the strongest relationships, aren’t the loudest in the room—they’re the ones that make you feel something without having to say much.
Types Of Intimacy
People share different types of intimacy. Physical intimacy includes things like hugging, kissing, or cuddling. Emotional intimacy is when you share your personal feelings, trust someone, and open up about your feelings. Experiential intimacy comes from doing things together, like having adventures or bonding through shared activities. Intellectual intimacy is about having deep talks, sharing ideas, and enjoying interesting conversations. Finally, there’s Spiritual intimacy, which is about sharing values, beliefs, and feeling deeply connected through meaning.
Intellectual intimacy for brands is important. Experiential intimacy is gold.
The types of intimacy a brand has with its audience are similar.
For most brands, marketing is their form of physical intimacy. They wrap their ads around morning commutes and daily routines, hugging and cuddling every moment of attention hoping we’ll let our guards down and jump into bed with them. If we do, will they call us? Will we take a stride of pride the next day or the walk of shame?
Some brands have gotten good at reaching emotional and intellectual intimacy. They’ve learned our vulnerabilities and deep feelings. They try to sound caring, interested, and concerned. They talk to us, ask for our opinions, and even listen to our advice about their brand. They build communities where people can share ideas. For once, we feel like someone actually sees us, listens to us, and values what we have to say.
How can we NOT fall in love?
More repetitions are needed to build connections through messaging than through experiences.
When a brand gets everything right—like their positioning, value proposition, and identity—they can connect with people on a deeper level through experiential intimacy. This is a growth milestone for any brand. Instead of educating and informing people about their products, they create moments of play. It’s where immersive in-person and virtual environments build connections. Where brand and audience bond through shared activities and adventures.
“Scientists suggest that it takes approximately 400 repetitions to create a new synapse in the brain unless it is done in play, in which it only takes 10-20 repetitions.” This insight from Karyn Purvis of the Karyn Purvis Institute of Child Development proves more repetitions are needed to build connections through messaging than through experiences. Intellectual intimacy for brands is important. Experiential intimacy is gold.
Okay, so, you’ve wined and dined your audience. You’ve had your first kiss. You’ve had late night talks about everything and nothing at the same time. By now it feels official, right?
If a brand is honest, it may reach spiritual intimacy with its audience.
Spiritual intimacy is often linked to shared beliefs and values, like those found in religious practices, but it can also connect to life’s meaning and purpose. Take Patagonia, for example. Some people love the brand for its gear (physical intimacy), while others admire its support for the environment, even if they don’t actively get involved (emotional or intellectual intimacy). Some might say this audience is “virtue signaling,” but we say it’s about meeting social needs. Then there are people who fully embrace Patagonia’s activist side. They share the brand’s beliefs about climate change and live a lifestyle of health and sustainability (known as LOHAS). When they attend a Patagonia Worn Wear Repair event (experiential intimacy), they’re also connecting with the brand at the level of core beliefs. Patagonia is a conduit for them to do and/or become something they aspire to.
The Barriers To Intimacy
Brands face a lot of pressure to stand out, succeed, and deliver what people want. With so many ways to connect with an audience, intimacy can be difficult to build and maintain. In the same ways people struggle to build intimacy, brands do too.
Poor communication, half-hearted efforts, and a failure to evolve plagued big brands such as Kodak, Blackberry, Blockbuster and Sears—and we know what happened to them.
Communication Issues
Good communication is the heart and soul of connection—but it's something many brands find hard to do. Even small misunderstandings cause big problems. If a brand doesn’t talk to its audience, it won't know how to support them—their feelings or needs go unmet.
Unclear or vague language can be taken the wrong way. But more than language, people's attention is constantly hijacked—meaning they’re distracted. Brand’s fall into a trap of thinking their audience is willing and ready to hear what they have to say. That they’re in the frame of mind to receive information or begin a conversation. Miscommunication happens when someone is distracted by their own thoughts or things happening around them. The world is moving at breakneck neck speed. The demands put on people between work and home is daunting. When a brand tries to be too clever or do things to shake people out of their focus, the cost of switching attention can have ill effects.
Miscommunications and misunderstandings are inevitable. It’s how you repair these conflicts that matters. If people don’t feel understood, then intimacy is a hard thing to create and maintain.
When communication goes awry, it’s important to focus on repair.
In a relationship, “repair is ultimately about rules. More specifically, it’s about making rules together.” says Zach Brittle, LMHC for the Gottman Institute. “The rules are made up by the players and can change at any time. The goal is not to win, but instead, to prolong the game.” Building a brand is an infinite game—and so are relationships. The brand’s audience makes the rules on the fly. Just when you think you know them, they change again. Now you’re in hot water. Unless, you actively engage people and repair the relationship. According to Brittle, “repair is less about fixing what’s broken than about getting back on track.”
Miscommunications and misunderstandings are inevitable. It’s how you repair these conflicts that matters. If people don’t feel understood, then intimacy is a hard thing to create and maintain.
Half-hearted Efforts
When I was younger, I’d often jump into relationships so quickly and excitedly that I didn't notice how little love or care the other person might be able to give. People often do the same with brands.
They’re into the same things as you. They look like they have it all together. They seem like a perfect fit. Until you find yourself giving way more than you get in return. No, I’m not talking about your toxic ex or one-sided friendship. I’m referring to those brands that aren’t shy about asking for your reposts, shares, and likes but ghost you when you have something major happening. The ones who finally give you 10% off orders over $500. Or the ones who leave you for a younger demographic after you’ve been there since they were a seed company struggling to become a Series A.
Half-hearted brands love bomb their audience, often through addictive products.
This can take many forms. Such as, quickly jumping on a popular hashtag or meme without any genuine connection to the topic. Or, token diversity campaigns, generic "we care" statements during a crisis, and sustainable packaging for cancer-causing junk food. Blunders and misfires will happen. But, half-hearted efforts like these are proof the brand is focused on gaining positive PR and revenue rather than a genuine interest in their audience.
Half-hearted efforts are a barrier to intimacy because no real care and closeness exist. Half-hearted brands love bomb their audience, often through addictive products. They rationalize their benefits and prey on people’s need for attention and numbing. It happened with big tobacco companies. It’s happening with big alcohol and continues to happen with social media giants. They make it so easy to the point we feel entitled and dependent on what they offer. But, they come up short when it comes to adding value to your life.
Failure To Evolve
People need growth. They thrive in growth. But, what happens when one person is growing and the other is static, or isn’t interested in growth? The failure for a brand to evolve is a sign the audience is looking to move on, but the brand isn’t.
People choose brands that match who they are and how they express themselves.
There are a few reasons this can happen. The most common ones are: being afraid to upset loyal customers, even if it means losing out on new ones; not paying attention to how people’s interests and trends are changing, which can catch the brand off guard; and having a company that doesn’t like change or is too comfortable sticking with what they already have.
When brands fail to grow and change, it hurts their connection with people because it shows they no longer share the same values. This isn’t about a company’s core values—it’s about understanding what matters to your audience as they grow and change. People choose brands that match who they are and how they express themselves. If a brand gives up the values that helped it grow, it loses its identity, limits its ability to connect, and stops moving forward. As a leader, you need to ask, “Where is my audience going in life? What’s important to them?” If your brand isn’t moving in the same direction, it’s time to evolve.
Love or fear. You can only choose one.
All of this really comes down to love or fear. That’s it. There is nothing else in life. What we say, what we do, and what we create is either from a place of love or a place of fear.
Little do brands realize that they tend to operate out of fear and lack. As marketers, brand builders, and leaders, we are constantly feeling behind, seeing everyone as competitors, chasing what we don’t have or where we need to be. We’re taught to focus on pain points, objections, and reasons to believe—because let’s face it, most of us don’t believe in big things unless we can see them, touch them, or wrap data around them.
While most beauty brands rely on people’s desire to look youthful and “beautiful” for as long as possible, they also prey on this FOGO to sell more products. Brands like Dove took a different path.
Brands that use fear are easy to spot if you know what to look for. They make people feel like they’re missing out or not good enough unless they buy what they’re selling. They set high standards and create a sense of urgency to make people want their products. And they do it in a sneaky way—it’s smart, and it’s planned. This is known as co-rumination, or common enemy intimacy. When a brand bonds over negativity, they connect with an audience by sharing negative opinions, complaints, or experiences. They create a sense of closeness through shared dislikes or grievances— but disguises them as pain points. Rarely do they focus on what their audience aspires to and how they can help them get there.
When everyone and everything is to be feared, what is there to be loved?
The beauty industry is rife with fear. According to a 2014 study done by Pfizer, 87 percent of Americans have a fear of getting old (FOGO). While most beauty brands rely on people’s desire to look youthful and “beautiful” for as long as possible, they also prey on this FOGO to sell more products. Brands like Dove took a different path.
Various beauty ads
Dove launched their award-winning Real Beauty campaign in 2004 to challenge narrow standards and inspire women to embrace their own beauty. The campaign was based on a global study that revealed only 2% of women around the world would describe themselves as beautiful. For an industry that relies on fear, Dove chose love instead. Opting for real women (never models) to drive the campaign, the beauty brand has gone a step further, making a commitment to never using AI in their ads. Dove has created a whole new algorithm for AI: the Real Beauty Playbook for Coding which is trained to understand and highlight the diversity of real beauty.
The opposite of love is not hate.
Perhaps the kiss of death for brands is not hate. Hated brands have a following. Hated brands believe in something—even if that something is unpopular, unjust, or immoral.
Loved brands stand for something. Hated brands stand for something. And in that process, both stand against something—sometimes each other. The act of creating your point-of-view will attract some people and push others away. This polarization is a good thing.
Love and hate fuel brands because both deal in passion. The real danger is indifference.
In fact, defining the exact opposite of your ideal audience is an effective way to pinpoint who your brand is and who it’s for. Making clear those who stand against you—and their motivation for doing so—leads to answers with a unique perspective.
Love and hate fuel brands because both deal in passion. The real danger is indifference.
Indifference is a lack of concern or care. There is no compulsion toward one point-of-view or another. It, quite literally, means a lack of difference or distinction. It renders someone or something unimportant. Relationships take work. People who feel indifferent don’t put in effort. When people are indifferent about a company or its products, they stop putting in the effort to engage. Brands must work on the levels of intimacy they create.
Emotions matter, but they can be tricky to understand—for both people and businesses. Companies usually focus on numbers and making money, so they don’t always see how important emotions are. Many think logic is more valuable than feelings. But the best brands don’t just sell things—they build real connections with people. They see their customers as partners in a shared journey, not just buyers. To create something meaningful, brands need to be honest, take action, and truly understand their audience. Real trust isn’t built by just selling products—it comes from respect, adding value, and growing together toward something bigger.
Are you and your team tackling a rebrand?
At Attic Salt, our shared enemy with our clients is indifference. Whether you’re a brand of order or a brand of havoc, we use the principles of intimacy to drive passion for your team and your audience. Get a head start on your rebrand by downloading our Brand Thinkbook.
